From Crack Addict to MATH Addict

All right, kids. Welcome to the show. This is chapter one of a new book I’m writing, and it’s titled From Crack Addict to Math Addict. That’s math, not meth. This is the introductory chapter. I write my nonfiction or what I call truth acknowledgment titles as a podcast, and then I take the transcript and I edit it for publication. Every 11 podcasts, I produce a new fiction book, and this will be the introductory chapter for From Crack Addict to Math Addict: A Story of addiction and salvation or something like that.

Somebody had requested this. I shall read their comment here. Ironically, I’m having a beer.

I have mixed feelings about complete abstinence. Addiction is a very strange thing. Somebody here asked me, “Hi, John. I’ve been watching your videos for a few months. I’ve heard bits and pieces of your life story over time, but I was wondering if you could make a more comprehensive video explaining how you went from smoking crack in high school to studying business and psych while working to beginning to study math at 24. What exactly gave you the idea to start studying math at this point? Were you good at it in high school? Thanks.” This will be the beginning of our journey. A lot of the podcasts I do in the truth acknowledgment world are autobiographies. It has a lot to do with my life and my history and my experiences dealing with people and life in general.

The human intellect is like a jungle, and everybody is like a different type of insect, plant, or animal, and we all have to deal with each other. Yet we’re all stationed in a very similar physical, organic medium, which makes it confusing to see the animal within. I’ll start this off with an introductory chapter here and then I will do a chapter once or twice a day until the book is done and then you can purchase the book. This is how I do all my nonfiction. My fiction books, I write with my fingertips. If you all want to watch me write my fiction books live, you can join my fiction fan club. Not necessarily fiction, but you can join my fan club, and I send you a special Zoom link and you can watch me write my books live.

I might share it on YouTube as well. The computer gets really hot when you stream on YouTube, and it’s hard to type when your lap is on fire. I do invite people in to watch me write my books live, my fiction books. I don’t talk with you. I don’t engage with you. You can just watch behind the scenes as I type. You guys can talk amongst yourselves and gossip with each other. It’s just a bonus of being part of my fan club. Did you guys see that? I don’t recall putting my thumbs up there. I just got a thumbs up on the camera. There’s something super sensitive about that thumbs up. I didn’t even put my thumbs up this time. I didn’t even have my hands in the camera this time.

As an introduction to From Crack Addict to Math Addict, to answer the questions that were asked in that—not really asked, but the information that you want to know. How did I go from drug use as a kid to math and physics, particularly at my level of understanding as an adult to a young person who is influenced by the wrong people? People who are in charge of social media, people who are in charge of universities and colleges and high schools. They don’t know anything about math or physics. They know nothing. Yet they’re the ones that are telling you what a person that knows math and physics should be like. People who know math and physics like I do are often drug addicts, alcoholics.

They often have what do you call them they often have idiosyncrasies, and it’s very common when you’re in college. It’s very common to come across recovering drug addicts that are in a mathematically based degree program. Doing mathematics, for me, wasn’t a choice. It was an addiction. It’s not a choice of science or something you become learned in. It’s an addiction. That’s why I got hooked on it. I’m an addictive personality. I don’t want to work at a company doing math and physics. I don’t want to do that for the rest of my life. I did it for about 15 years without a break, and I’ve become an expert at it. I know everything about math and how to read it and understand it, and apply it. I have no interest in doing that.

I like to write fiction and entertain people and liberate people from their own mind and the shackles of other people’s minds. Young people in high school, you have this concept that has been delivered to you by con artists, like the people who run Disney right now, that they just think that every single kid that watches Disney needs to be gay when only 1.6% of the population is actually gay. I’m not against gay at all. I just don’t think that 98% of straight people, when they’re kids and are impressionable, should be subjected to homosexuality if they’re never going to be gay. Kids are impressionable. Just like you. You strike me as someone that’s probably in high school. You’re wondering, how does somebody go from a high school dropout and drug addict to a world-class mathematician, physicist, author, and still drink?

I occasionally smoke pot in the evening to help me sleep. I don’t like to be high. It makes me very paranoid. It’s not very comfortable, but it helps with arthritic pain. I sleep. It’s not I don’t use it at all for fun. I mean, I try to, but it makes you super paranoid. I’m just like Oh my God somebody looked at me. What were they thinking? It’s like everything that happened during the day comes into my head for like 10 minutes and I’m like Oh my God. Then I fall asleep and I sleep really well for like eight hours. I use it for that purpose. Not all the time, just occasionally. Occasionally I like to drink and I like doing podcasts over a couple of beers. It’s fun. I like talking.

I don’t really care to listen to what people have to say. This works for me. I can get all the talking out on camera over a couple of cocktails. Then I’m more tolerable when I go out in public. I’m not talking people’s ears off. I’m so burnt out. I can listen to them. It’s healthy. It’s medicinal. I find things like this. It’s a balance. The things that help me live better also help pay my bills and they make relationships better. It’s a good way to think. Whatever you do, try to consider: how is this going to benefit you and others. I’ve had my issues with alcohol, too, but what you guys hear about in 12-step programs is nonsense. It’s complete gibberish and it’s all lies.

I spent over 20 years in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous and all I learned in there is that everybody lies constantly and lie and it’s a group of liars who are lying to each other about not lying. It’s bizarre. It’s very bizarre. I have not seen it work for anybody except for people that have the option that you can go to prison or you can go to AA and stay sober. Then they go to AA and they stay sober and they try to preach that it’s the greatest thing in the world when their options were prison or AA. Every once in a while, you have somebody that goes through those programs and praises it as the greatest thing in the world.

If you interview every single person that has gone or is going to AA, they will all tell you it doesn’t work because they relapse constantly or they stop going or they fail. Also, I did the research on the number of deaths. Ever since Alcoholics Anonymous had become forced into existence by the law, meaning this is a religious program, by the way, by the very definition of religion and cult. It’s a religious cult. By the very definition of it, you can say it’s not all you want. You don’t know the definition of religion or cult. Go read those definitions and get back to me. Some states, I believe, have classified it as a religion. The government starts forcing people to go to AA.

Ever since the government started forcing people to go to AA and giving AA a voice through psychiatric doctorate power, people believe what they hear when they talk to complete strangers in a room. A bunch of unaccredited information. No governing authority of truth. Just random people telling you that if you don’t do what they say you’re going to drink yourself to death or die in a drunk driving accident or something. Guess what’s happened since the government has forced people to go to AA when a 17-year-old girl has a beer and gets behind the wheel of a car and is forced to go to AA.

If you go look at the death rates from alcohol-related deaths compared to the amount of people that are forced to go to AA before people were forced to go to AA and the amount of people that drink alcohol before they were forced to go to AA and the amount of people that drink alcohol after they were forced to go to AA. The same amount of people drink alcohol before as there are after. The death rates have skyrocketed like you wouldn’t believe since people are forced to go to AA. You have a drinking problem, go to AA, have a bunch of strangers tell you that if you don’t do this, you’re going to die. Then they believe it because these are their options. They’re confused as to why they’re addicted to something. They’re confused as to why they can’t stop.

They go to a doctor. They go to the authorities. They all tell them to go to perfect strangers who lie to them and say, “If you don’t do this and do this like we’ve done, then you’re never going to stay sober.” And then those people drink. I mean, it’s a cluster of complete BS. My point is that I’ve had my issues with substance use. I don’t like to say abuse and I don’t like to say addiction. I have done extreme research and thought on this for decades. People drink alcohol because the body is conditioned to use it for thousands and thousands of years. We’re just breaking away from a survival instinct situation into a logic instinct. Some of us, the brain has flipped and it’s like we don’t need alcohol anymore.

Alcohol, you got to understand like Columbus, when Columbus is sailing on the ocean, what do you think they were drinking? Bottles of Evian water. They were drinking beer and wine. They were eating food that was molding, causing them to hallucinate probably. My point is that for thousands of years through droughts and winters, people fermented liquids so they could survive through these things. The body develops a dependency upon this alcohol periodically. You’ve heard of a binge drinker. Somebody who binges is succumbing to an instinct that was embedded into them from thousands of years of drinking. Now, if you try to talk to an AA member or a psychologist about this, they’re mentally ill. They don’t understand science or logic. They’re like, “No, it’s a spiritual condition. You have a spiritual problem.

You need to get right with God.” That’s somebody who is mentally ill. You can’t communicate with them. It’s a chemical reaction in your body. I do believe in the afterlife and the before. I do believe in Yeshua, which you guys refer to as Jesus Christ. I don’t believe it the way you guys believe it. I believe it very simply. He said, “Stop lying. I’ll be back in 2,000 years. If you’re still a liar, I ain’t going to bring you with me.” That’s all he said. That’s all you need to know. Everything else is BS. Everything else is the devil’s work. You ask me how I went because this is an introduction. I’m going to talk about in this book about my dealing with alcohol and how now I just have a couple of beers at night.

I eat some food, take a hit of weed, and go to bed. Sometimes I go to bed sober. Sometimes I go months and months without drinking. Sometimes not anymore. In the past, I drank a lot.

Do I think that’s for everybody? Not at all. Do I think Alcoholics Anonymous is for certain people that drink? Absolutely. A very, very small amount of people. About one out of 10,000 people in there; for the rest of them, it’s not and that diluted collection of human psyches pulled together causes a great deal of problems. When AA started, it was 99% successful. Now it’s less than 1% successful because 99% of the people in there shouldn’t be there. The death rates of people who actually need it have skyrocketed because they go there and they listen to people that have no actual training in anything, talk out their ass and tell you if you don’t do what they tell you to do, you’re going to die. Then they go to a medical doctor or the authorities and say, “I can’t get help.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” And they say, “Go back to the people that are crazy. They’ll tell you what to do. Otherwise, you’re going to die.” And so what do they do? They’re so lost, they die. They drink themselves to death. They kill themselves. They get in the car. They drink and drive into something and die. Alcoholics Anonymous, from my research, is directly responsible for the increase in alcohol-related deaths. I have watched it hands-on. When you watch somebody that is stressed out of their mind go into AA, doesn’t understand what’s happening and is an intelligent person, and they are told by somebody who’s clearly not of sound mind that if they don’t do what they tell them to do and pray and do all this stuff that they’re going to drink themselves to death.

They drink themselves to death because it’s that or listen to a mental patient dictate your life. Very rarely is it effective for somebody. Those people, they will fight just like any religious person does. They will say, “You got to have faith. If you don’t have the faith I have, then you don’t have faith at all. If you can’t convince me that you have the same faith as me, then you have no faith, and you’re going to die and burn in hell.” It’s religion. The people that talk like that have mental illnesses. That’s why Jesus came here. He said, “All you got to do is stop lying. That’s it. Stop lying and all will be good. Here’s the trick. In order not to lie, you can’t speak or think because everything you say or think is ultimately a lie.

You have to commit to not lying. You have to make a genuine, honest commitment to telling the truth. When you find yourself lying, you need to fix that lie. I do this all day. You’d be shocked at how often you’re freaking lying all day long. I know some of you people that are reading or listening to this are like, “Oh, you’re just lying to yourself right now.” Yes, you’re a politician. Politicians just listen to what other people say and they disagree with them. That’s also a mental illness. I am telling you about my observations and personal experiences, and I am trying to be as open and honest as I can. Even though I am as open and honest as I can be, I still occasionally do not say what is actually true.

When that happens and I realize it, I correct it and say, that’s actually not exactly the way it is. It’s this way. That is what I believe Yeshua was trying to tell y’all: commit to not lying. Strive to tell the truth. That will fix all your problems. Because if you don’t lie, then everything you experience will be the truth. You’ll find out that when you choose not to lie, that everybody is lying. It will make you feel very alone. If you do feel alone, that’s because you’re on your way to feeling accepted. You need to acknowledge that, too. You cannot experience the light without the darkness-type situation. For me in this introductory chapter on my personal life, to explain what this book is going to be about. This is going to be a segment of an autobiography.

I have many autobiographies I’ll be writing.

It’s basically to answer this person’s question. How did you go from a high school dropout and drug user to somebody as skilled and as intelligent as you are? Most people, when they’re younger, are told by elders that people who use drugs or drink or something are basically bums. Most people who are younger, even those who are older, think that when they hear the word alcoholic or drunk, they think of a homeless person sitting in the streets. That is so wrong. It’s so skewed. Most homeless people are there because they can’t function in society. They often use drugs and alcohol to cope with reality because they can’t function in society. The round-peg-in-a-square-hole type situation. They can’t function in society. No matter what you say or do or whatever drugs you give them, they cannot function in society. Period.

That’s what usually happens for homeless people. Not every one of them, but the majority of them. Listen, they cannot function in society. You can ridicule, shame, judge. You can say, “Don’t feed the pigeons.” You can say, “Get a job.” You can say whatever you want. It doesn’t change the fact that their biological chemistry is not cut out for them to function in your society. I have had that issue myself. I do not function in your society the way you want me to function. However, I am part of society, and I function better this way as a voice on the outskirts of society influencing people in society to deal with society better.

It was my great gift from God to go through drug addiction and an extremely advanced education to explain to you people the truth, to pull up the curtains of lies that have been draped in front of you your whole life. Somebody who uses drugs or alcohol is more often than not someone of hyperintelligence, not because they’re stupid. It’s because they’re very intelligent and they’re trying to deal with that intelligence because unintelligent people are telling them what the truth is. When you’re a very intelligent person and an uneducated person is in charge of you, it is extremely frustrating—extremely frustrating because they don’t know what they’re doing. They’re making decisions based on emotional reactions, not logical interpretation of reality.

When you understand the language you’re speaking and the definitions of the words you’re saying and somebody else doesn’t and they’re dictating your reality, it’s extremely frustrating. So you kids who are younger, you look at somebody like me and you’re like, “How in the world?” I meet people all the time, and they’re like, “How in the world could you have been a crack smoker?” And I’m like, “Because sniffing coke burnt my nose too much.” True story. I can’t sniff. I can’t snort coke. It causes an extreme allergic reaction. However, that is not how that happened. That’s not why I smoked crack. I will tell you why I smoked crack. I’ll tell you a little mini-introduction to what we’ll do like 10 chapters on top of the introduction chapter, something like that for the book. I’m outlining it. I do the podcast.

I extract the transcript and then I edit it for the book. To answer your question quickly in the introductory, how I went from smoking crack to a scholarly math person and whether I was good at math: I was always good at math. Very good. When I was about six, if they put me into a science school, I’d probably have a Nobel Prize by now. I have a brain like that. Very similar to the Good Will Hunting character that’s fictitious. Not at that level, but very similar—an eidetic memory. I retain almost everything that I absorb. Like I retain it in the sense that I can extract it on demand. You guys all retain it, too. You just can’t necessarily extract it on demand the way I and other people that understand science the way I do.

It’s not necessarily because you’re good at it. You just have a brain that allows you to retain data and extract it. If you exercise that skill, you get better at it over the years. It becomes a lot easier for me to open up a thousand-page math textbook and go through it. It takes me a few days to understand it. For you guys, it could take a few years. Years ago, it would have taken me a few years. Now, it takes a few days because it’s like reading a novel. I just read it. I understand it. Some things require some time to think about like anything, but for the most part, I understand. It took a long time to learn that. It took 15 years of repetitive study to get to that point.

So I will tell you: this will be an autobiography related to addiction. You call it addiction. I call it survival instincts. I relate all the issues that you guys have. I relate to survival instincts. That’s the premise of my anti-philosophy, my anti-self-help movement: for you guys to understand that you’re misinterpreting words. You’re labeling things incorrectly. You’re saying things like negatively like, “I’m lazy.” You’re not lazy. Your body is an energy storage device. When you need to exert energy, the body needs to be convinced that it should. It’s very difficult to store energy. Now you want to exert it on college that gives you nothing. You have to pay to do it. On top of that, your body may not be convinced that’s the way to go. Laziness is a misinterpreted survival instinct.

We will dive into that through all my books to explain to you guys the true nature of your psyche because I believe we had the instructions to these bodies at some point. The Catholic Church buried them under the Vatican and burnt them to a crisp or something. Like we know how to use these bodies. They came with instructions. Literally, they’re chiseled on some gold plates somewhere. It’s just misinterpreted survival instincts. I believe that human emotion is the product of fusing AI and OI. You take an animal and a computer and you put them together, you make the human and that creates emotions. Emotions are just misinterpreted survival instincts. When I’m talking about addiction, I’m talking about survival instincts. You’re misinterpreting something that’s embedded into your genetics.

I have what you would call an addictive personality When I came across sugar as a kid, it was like methamphetamines. Doing sugar was like doing drugs. My mom even tells me, she’s like when you were a kid and you had sugar like she’s like I after Halloween I’d have to hide everything because she was like it was like dealing with a drug addict like a hardcore drug addict and sugar still has that kind of effect on me today. If I have a Dr. Pepper or something with caffeine and sugar. I’m like, “Hey, man. Can I get another sip of that Dr. Pepper?” Oh God.

The thing with me is that it’s not that I have an addictive personality. It’s that drugs, alcohol, they affect me much greater than the average person. I’ve been very drunk at times, but you wouldn’t be able to tell I was drunk. Very talking exactly the same way as I am right now. This is beer, too, so I’m not even remotely close to that point. I have been that intoxicated like three, four times the legal limit. It’s not a joke. I can handle my alcohol way better than the average person.

People like me often can drink 10 times the amount of alcohol an average person can and still function completely normally. However, just because the physical attributes are coming along doesn’t mean the mental aren’t. I’ll be talking to people and I’m very coherent what I’m saying. They’re like, “Is this guy crazy or on drugs or something?” They usually think I’m on drugs if I’m that intoxicated because they just can’t believe somebody that sober would talk the way I’m talking because I articulate myself so well. I’m a great speaker, but I’m just obliterated drunk. I’ve had a lot of times people were convinced I was on drugs when I was just very intoxicated. I mean, I’m talking like after drinking like a 1.75-liter, that’s the big jug of alcohol with the handle.

Drinking an entire 1.75-liter bottle of alcohol in less than 24 hours without eating, and still walking and talking. It makes people think you’re on some type of illicit drug. It really does. And even the doctors thought that. I was at the hospital once and they thought that and they took my blood. I was actually sober. I was having COVID issues. We’ll talk about all that.

I’ll explain, though, to answer your question in the introduction. How did I go from a high school dropout and crack smoker to a world-renowned math teacher, mathematician, physicist, author? How did that happen? Well, it all started when I smoked pot. Actually, it started when I drank alcohol for the first time. I was like 12 years old, maybe 12 or 13. My parents got divorced. I was dealing with my mother and her husband, my stepfather and my father. These were people that got married that should never have gotten married, that had kids way too young. They had three kids when they were in their early 20s. Then it didn’t work out for them. The church they were going to forced them to get married and forced them to have kids. My mom was explaining to me.

She’s like, “Our church explained to us in great detail that the only position you’re allowed to do is missionary. Anything else is demonic and evil.” The church was crazy. That church has since been like raided by the FBI and turns out that a lot of women were being molested, and who knows what else was going on in that church. This is what I’m talking about with like Alcoholics Anonymous and churches and religions. You guys, all of that stuff is evil. I mean, it’s a way to blanket sin and evil and protect the evil they’re doing from the law. Alcoholics Anonymous—the people in there will never tell you the truth of what’s happening. I spent over 20 years in and out of there. I can tell you what’s happening in there and it’s not what they’re telling you.

They’re all narcissistic personality disorder people. They’re pathological liars. It’s a group of liars that need society to believe they’re telling the truth so that they can function in society after all the crap that they’ve done. Then you have people like me who are like I keep drinking and I’m getting drunk and it’s ruining my life. Then other people like it’s because you’re a liar. Every time an alcoholic opens their mouth they’re lying. When an alcoholic drinks the truth this is what you hear from people in AA. They say, “Whenever an alcoholic opens their mouth, they’re lying.” And then they say, “The truth comes out when you drink.” And then they say, “Only an alcoholic can identify as an alcoholic.” Then they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over. None of that’s true.

None of it. How can you embed your psyche, your belief system into a bunch of words that aren’t true, being spoken by people who openly admit that they’re lying? They literally say only an alcoholic can identify as an alcoholic. Only a person, an individual can identify as an alcoholic. I’m Joe Schmo. I’m an alcoholic. When is an alcoholic lying? Whenever they open their mouth, then the truth comes out when an alcoholic drinks. They literally tell you they’re pathological liars when you walk in the door. Then they say, “No, you don’t understand what we’re saying.” And I’m like, “Of course I don’t, because you don’t know the definitions of the words you’re saying. You actually think the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over. You worship that. It’s not.

Of course, I don’t believe what you’re saying because you don’t even know the definitions of the words you’re saying.” Then they get angry. This is the narcissistic personality. Then they attack you. They verbally abuse you and they say you’re just not right with God. That is the evil within isms. Feminism, racism, Nazism, alcoholism. Alcoholism is essentially it’s a genetic trait and it’s different for all of us who stem from different parts of the world. For example, I have a theory that people of African descent suffer from colon cancer more than people of European descent because Africans were not subjected to the horrifying diet Europeans were. In America, it’s all horrifying European diet. Black people in America tend to eat way more McDonald’s than white people.

I believe that McDonald’s is directly responsible for the African-based lineage getting colon cancer in America. I and I’m European-based my culture. Look, African people in America, not African people in America, but Americans of African descent. They like to smoke weed. They like to drink brew and smoke weed and they like to drink beer, but they’re more weed smoker. I’m more alcohol. Europeans, bunch of alcoholic, sugar eating freaks.

Jamaica: let the green grass grow, brother man. Different genetics from a different background. When we’re talking about alcohol and dependency and all these different things, ultimately it stems from a sort of fourth-dimensional computer code rooted in our genetics through blood, DNA, and time. This is science. Okay? To cure your psyche, your psychosis, or whatever, to cure the issues you’re having with reality, you need to know the truth. You need to understand the truth. I believe I was visited by this Yeshua creature, Yeshua projection or what you call Christ presence, to explain to you guys that he did not turn water into wine. He filtered fermented fruit juice into water so you could hydrate.

He was an interdimensional scientist. He is. He’s still here. He’s on his way back if he’s not here already.

If you understand the truth, the old saying, the truth will set you free. Alcohol. There are many reasons why people want to drink. We’ll talk about all that, but back to smoking crack. All right, you guys hear about somebody smoking crack or doing methamphetamines or being an alcoholic and then you instantly paint this picture of somebody you saw in a movie or something or some homeless guy in the streets. Most of the homeless people I know down the streets, they don’t do drugs. They’re all like borderline like manic depressant bipolar schizophrenics. They can’t function in society and you guys just piss all over them because they’re mentally ill and they can’t function in society. It’s I’m very sympathetic to them because I would probably be right there with them if I if it was a different situation.

I know drug addicts. I’ve known drug addicts my whole life. I stay the hell away from them. My first experience with a genuine drug addict was my girlfriend’s father, a crack addict. You want to know how I started smoking crack? Well, first thing I did was drink alcohol when I was about 13. I was hanging out with this guy. He was in his 20s. He was bad news. He was just as messed up as anybody could be messed up as far as, whatever happened to him in his life. He was a good person. He was just messed up in the head. He was 22. He lived on the block behind me. I was 13. His girlfriend was 12.

That’s the girl that I wrote from the point of view of in my 13 and Drinking Blood book that women hate me for writing. All I did was write from the point of view of a girl I knew as a kid. I got in the character of her. I was trying to deal with the abuse I went through from her. She abused the crap out of me because I ended up dating her years later. That’s how I ended up smoking crack. It started though with her boyfriend who was my neighbor. He was 22. He bought us alcohol. I drank alcohol with him and her, hung out with them. I dropped out of high school. I was doing rap music and DJing, making music. I said, “I’m leaving high school. I’m just going to become a musician.

I’m going to do drugs and make music.” So, I dropped out of high school. I hung out with him. I spun on the turntables. After a few years of hanging out with him and his girlfriend, which by the way was legal for it was legal for him to date her because her mom gave her permission to be with him. She was living with him in his parents’ basement. A 12-year-old and a 22-year-old. I was 13. Her and I were basically the same age.

I was hanging out with them, making music, smoking weed. We mainly we smoked pot together all the time. That’s all we did, the three of us. We’d all hang out and smoke weed. I had no attraction to this girl at the time. When you spend enough time around somebody, they become attractive to you. Maybe it was because by the time I became attracted to her, she was 17. We didn’t start commingling until about five years later. Then her and I ended up getting together and she left him. I moved in with her and her mom. She was 18 at the time and I was 18. So I was living with her and her mom. I was a high school dropout. This experience with her, this was like, this wasn’t like the ghetto. This was the ghetto.

I was living in a very ghetto situation. So I’ll talk about more about my pot smoking through my teen years and what led up to smoking crack. I didn’t smoke crack for that long. It was enough to change my life. I am a very intelligent person. I was not a drug addict in the sense of what you guys think a drug addict is. I was a scared, alone little boy that had no family to look to, no friends to look to, no parental guidance. I was too arrogant, egotistical, and intelligent to admit that I needed help. My father cared very much for me, but he didn’t know how to deal with me. I was too smart. It doesn’t matter. They tried to send me to therapy and the therapist tells them, “He doesn’t need therapy.

There’s nothing wrong with him.” I mean, I was so smart. I convinced the therapist there was something wrong with everybody else. It was true. I just I was a renegade kid. I should have been put in a science school when I was like six. I should have been taken away from my family and put in a science school. My family—my mom and my dad—were too young to have kids. They weren’t psychologically prepared to have a family. Nothing. They didn’t do anything wrong. They just weren’t psychologically prepared for the stress of three kids. Then my mother and father got divorced and she married my stepfather, who’s a Black guy, and he came from a very different upbringing and he raised me the way he was raised.

For a young white boy going from white Christian country to Black ghetto raising overnight, it’s traumatizing. The man traumatized me. I mean, I moved out of my mom’s house into my dad’s house when I was 12 because of him. I have no problem with him. I have nothing against him. He’s traumatized himself. I’ll talk about all of that. I have no problems with anybody except for these white women that are self-righteous about everything, calling me a misogynistic pig. You’re against women. Like, no, you guys are just seeing yourself in me. It’s psychiatry 101, whatever. I started dating her, which by the way, my friend, who is her ex-boyfriend, and he’s like 27 at the time now. He wanted to kill me, and he tried to because she left him for me, and we were like best friends.

It’s like, you don’t date your best friend’s girlfriend. I was a 17-year-old drugged-out kid. Was she, or 18 at the time. What do you think stupid drugged-out kids are going to do? At the time, I was just smoking pot all the time, doing LSD and mushrooms whenever I could. I did try cocaine, real cocaine, snorting cocaine. Somebody had brought some from Colombia. This guy smuggled it in. It was real, genuine, like 99.9% Colombian cocaine. It was fantastic. I’m glad that stuff is not easily available because that was an amazing drug, but it, you do it. I was strung out for like a week after I did it. I hated it. It was fun while you were doing it. It’s fun, but then it’s horrifying afterwards.

Any of you kids that are thinking about doing a bump of blow at a party or something, just don’t. It is not worth it. So I didn’t want to do cocaine. I did it once. I never wanted to do it again. Same with acid and mushrooms. You’re a stupid idiot and cocaine’s there. It’s like, yeah, yeah, what the hell? Why not? So me and my girlfriend, I’m a high school dropout at this point. I’m 18. I got kicked out of my house. My dad kicked me out of his house because I turned 18. He said, “You’re out on your own.

You’re gone.” So, my dad and my mom, they pulled together enough money for me to have like three months of rent at a very cheap, inexpensive place, and they said, “You’re on your own.” And so I was on my own and this girl I’m dating wants to do cocaine and so she’s I’m in love with her, or lust or whatever and I’m like okay whatever you want to do baby it’s just us I was in this fantasy world with this girl like I thought like I was in magical land we’re having sex, we’re in love it’s just like it was magical. It was probably like the worst situation you could ever be in. When you’re a young kid, I call it the Santa Claus phase. You just believe this fantasy.

To me, I was with this girl and we’re making love. We’re living together. We’re sleeping on a piece-of-crap cot in her parents’ basement in ghetto land. To me, I was in heaven. It was like heaven for me for like three days until she started cheating on me with like every single dude in the freaking city. She was a nasty creature. That’s why I wrote that book from her point of view: 13 and Drinking Blood. This one back here, that book is written from her perspective. I got in the character of her and wrote the book from her point of view. You women out there think I’m a pervert. This is what I don’t like about women. You just make assumptions because you’re a discriminatory racist person.

You look at me, I’m a middle-aged white dude with a beard and I wrote a book called 13 and Drinking Blood. You think I’m a pervert. It means you’re seeing yourself in me. It’s not me you’re seeing. You’re seeing yourself And you give yourself the authority to ruin somebody else’s life when you see yourself in them, and that’s a sickness. It’s a danger to all of us. That’s why we created the Constitution was to get away from people like you. The internet has allowed you to leak back in. You’re a danger to all of us. Everything that America stands for, these social media companies, what they allow people to do to each other is a threat to everything America stands for. Anyways, we’ll talk about that in other books. To sum this up, we wanted to do some cocaine.

She knows her dad’s a crack addict. This was the first time I met the man formally. This guy is like the little Irish leprechaun of crack smoking. You don’t give a crackhead a hundred bucks. I think it was like 70 bucks. You don’t give a crackhead $70 to get you a gram of cocaine. They’re going to get you crack and they’re not going to give you a fraction of what you gave them money for. They’re going to give you like a dollar’s worth of the $70 of crack they get. He goes to get us cocaine. Her dad, this is her dad. She’s 18. I’m 18. He’s like 40-something. Great parent. Her mom’s smoking weed, chain smoking cigarettes, drinking in the other room. Her dad’s going to get us. Her mom and dad were not together.

Her dad lived down the street in the basement of his sister’s house. Good stuff. These are great stories. I’ve got a lot to talk about with this. We give him money to get us cocaine. He comes back with crack. We’re like, “Yeah, we don’t want to smoke crack, dude.” She looks at me and she says, “Well, if you do it, I’ll do it.” So, I said, “Okay.” So, her dad’s like, “Yes.” Like if I can get these kids hooked, then I got more people to buy me crack. For him, it was an investment. If he got us to smoke crack, then we’d go out and get money for him to smoke crack, which is exactly what we did. I took a hit of crack and there’s a reason why it’s addictive. My God, you feel like you’re in heaven.

Everything is fixed for you for about five minutes. Like everything’s fixed for like five minutes. You’re just like, “Wow.” And when you come from an abusive upbringing, a detached, dysfunctional family, and you’re lost, and you’re very intelligent, and your brain’s just all over the place, that can be magical. So then it was me, her, and her dad for about three to six months, I think, on a crack binge. That was enough for me. At that time, I was exposed to that. Then one of my other best friends, I watched him shoot up heroin. Now, as an adult, it doesn’t really bother you when you see a 40-year-old that’s hooked on heroin shooting up. It’s just like, well, that’s what happens.

When you’re a kid and you watch your 18-year-old friend stick a needle in their arm and pass out with a needle hanging out of their arm, it kind of changes the way you see reality a little bit. Between dealing with her and experiencing the hell that comes with crack cocaine addiction, because you feel really good for about five minutes and then you’re sick for about five days. If you don’t have crack to keep smoking and smoking, you’ll just feel sick. The more you smoke, the sicker you’re going to be. It’s instantaneous. It’s an instantaneous withdrawal. You smoke it, you instantaneously are withdrawing. It’s horrifying. I was like 18 and I was smoking it for like three to six months with my girlfriend and her dad. That was our thing.

We’d figure out how to get some money one way or another and he’d get the crack and then we’d smoke it. It escalated to him eventually pimping her out for crack, which took me years to realize that was happening. I was ignorant and oblivious to what was happening. She was being pimped out to his crack dealers. He was pimping her out to his crack dealers for crack. I didn’t make the connection that was what was happening until years later and probably after I saw the Chappelle Show.

That was the beginning of my college experience. Okay. My dad is an owner of a counseling center. So when I sobered up, I stopped using drugs. I stopped drinking. I started going to Alcoholics Anonymous, which was very helpful back then. It’s not anymore.

For some people, it might be. I’m not bashing it. I’m just saying that it’s diluted, and the message is not being carried that was originally meant by it. After I went through that experience, withdrawing from crack is horrifying. I was dealing with my ex-girlfriend, the nastiest [ __ ] in the world and her dad pimping her out. For all I know, they had sex too, her and her dad. I don’t know. It was a sick situation. I wasn’t raised that way. I just was dropped into that environment. It was an accident. It just happened. My parents got divorced. I’m a very intelligent person. It’s hard. It’s hard for people to deal with me because I am very intelligent. Even when I was a teenager dealing with adults who are highly educated, they couldn’t beat me in conversation.

I was my own worst enemy. Basically, people wanted to help me and guide me. I was too smart to take the help, which made me an idiot in some sense. However, I feel like I went through all of that because I’m willing to share it. I was able to come out on a better end of the tunnel than what you would think a person going through that would come out of. That experience with her, me, her, and her dad, and crack cocaine, and then watching my friends shoot up heroin, watching my other friends go into alcoholism as they turned 21. Watching all of this horrifying stuff happen in that world shocked me. When I was 18 or 19, after all of this, I quit everything, pot, everything, went totally sober.

And then I got a job working in clerical at the counseling center. Since, monkey see, monkey do. I’m working at the counseling center. My dad got me a job there and they’re like, as long as your son’s not using drugs, he can work here, him and his partners. I worked there for about a year. I actually was the clerical in the alcohol and drug department taking calls for people that get DUIs or scheduling appointments for their kids or family members that are having drug issues. Naturally, I wanted to become an alcohol and drug therapist. I started going to college at 19 for alcohol and drug counseling. After about a year of dealing with that, though, I realized that I’m not crazy and I’m not a drug addict or an alcoholic. That’s just not the right environment for me.

However, I do have issues. Not anymore, but I did have issues with overconsumption of alcohol and I will dive into that with you guys because it is not a spiritual ailment. It’s not a psychological condition. It’s a chemical reaction rooted in survival instinct. For some of us, we cannot break it. We need to stay away from it 100%. For some of us, we can tailor it to our lifestyle. The key component to this is that you need to train yourself never to touch the wheel of a car. If you touch alcohol to your mouth, you do not touch the wheel of a car. Period. That is the most important thing for anybody who drinks. Period. Take an Uber,. Anyways, so when I was in high school, you had asked if I’m good at math. I’ll talk about that, too.

My last semester in high school or however that works—I can’t remember. I got straight A’s, geometry, everything. Straight A’s, Spanish, straight A’s, everything. I said, “Screw this. I’m going to quit and I’m going to do drugs and make music.” And I did. I made a deal with my dad. He was raising me, my brother, and my sister. He was working full-time. We had a three-bedroom house and a huge yard and everything. He said, “I can go home, be homeschooled, as long as I take care of the house and work a job.” So, that’s what I did. I got a job and I took care of the house. My brother and sister finished high school, went to college, and he worked. I did homeschooling, but I never actually did it. I just ended up getting my GED when I turned 18.

I didn’t want to do school. I just wanted to do drugs and make music. In a nutshell, so this will kick off a nonfiction book that I call truth acknowledgment titles. Most of them are kind of autobiographies related to how I came to terms with reality and dealing with life, dealing with people and dealing with life. I will share with you my conclusions and I will try to explain it to you scientifically in layman’s terms so that you can understand it and you can put it into your psyche and help yourself have a better time living day-to-day. In a nutshell, I dropped out of high school not because I was dumb, but because I was too smart. It was boring for me. It wasn’t really challenging. It was mundane. I wanted to do drugs and make music.

Then I experienced the drug world. It was not for me. I left the drug world and I entered the scholarly world. I started with psychiatry. After about a year, I didn’t like it. I got a job in business doing sales. The company I was working for, Verizon Wireless, paid for your degree if you wanted to go get one related to your job. Mine was in sales, so they paid for a business, marketing, finance degree. I spent a couple of semesters doing that. I didn’t like it. While I was working at Verizon Wireless, this was when phones were first coming out and computer technology and programming was becoming very mainstream. I was working with all the computer programs and everything at Verizon Wireless and I seemed to be the only person there that could figure anything out and understand it.

Then I watched the show Fringe and I made this connection that I’m a problem solver. I’m very good at solving problems and understanding technical things. I realized that I needed to go to school for math and physics. Now, some of these books that I write, I came up with these stories long before I ever went to school, like 20 years ago. It took me 15 years of typing mathematical equations to build up the stamina to write these novels. I believe that part of my journey of college was simply to bring me to this point. I needed the experience of a college, a formal college education—an advanced one rooted in mathematics and physics—to earn the respect from people that are listening and to develop the skills to write the way I write.

I don’t think that people would have much interest in what I have to say if they didn’t know that I have an advanced knowledge in math and physics. They wouldn’t. I don’t think people would take my outlooks on reality seriously if they didn’t know that. I think that’s why I got that degree because I have been struggling with going back to college, finishing my PhD, or just devoting myself to this entertainment and enlightenment.

I’ve concluded this is what I’m supposed to do and everything that I’ve done in my life is for this purpose. This is the introductory chapter to From Crack Addict to Math Addict. This will be a book that you can purchase. All the transcripts will be turned into chapters. I do each chapter like this. I will dive into everything related to drugs and alcohol and my education in this. It’ll be a great book. Thanks for the topic. It is something I’ve been meaning to do. I’ve just been putting it off because the algorithms ban me when I mix education with my personal life stuff like this. The algorithm detects this as negative. Don’t talk about these things. We’re trying to lie to kids. We don’t want them to know the truth. We’re trying to manipulate them and take advantage of them.

Anything that derails them from the lies, we want them to think is the truth. This is the problem you guys will have as you’re being raised by uneducated people. They lie to you because they think that their emotional survival instinct is the correct way to live in a logical instinct situation. We are at a point of inflection in society where we are changing that. All of us. For some of us, the switch has flipped, and for some of us it has not. That’ll be a title of another one of my books starting soon. Flip the Switch. Okay. I hope that addresses your question somewhat. This is the introductory chapter. We’ll do a highlighted chapter on certain situations, certain stories, and how I came to contentment more or less through the journey of hell. Here I am, the white devil.

All right, kids. Don’t forget to subscribe. This is chapter zero, introductory chapter. I will see you in the next one. Have a nice day—unless you have other plans.